I had in my mind exactly the number of children I wanted, when I would have them and how many would be boys and how many would be girls. Before I knew it, life caught up to me and I realized it does not always go as planned.
We had 3 healthy beautiful little girls and were beyond excited when we found out we were expecting our 4th. After 12 weeks of pregnancy sickness, I finally started to feel a little better and was able to get out of bed and attend my first doctor appointment. Everything looked normal, though my doctor thought I was measuring bigger than 12 weeks. He decided it would be best to do an ultrasound. He noticed something unusual and I was told I needed to see a specialist.
A week later I was able to meet with a Fetal medicine doctor. I was in total shock. I just stared in a daze at the ultrasound screen as he explained all that was wrong with my baby girl. How could this even be happening? These things happen to “other” people. Never in a million years would I think this would happen to me. He explained she had a condition called Hydrops, which means there is a lot of fluid around the organs that should not be there. He also told me I would most likely miscarry at some point. If the baby did make it full term she would not live very long.
The next two days I just cried and cried. I was frustrated, sad and scared for the future. I allowed myself to have a “pity party.” After two days of mourning, I knew I needed to pick myself up and move forward. I had 3 little girls who needed me. They were looking up to me, seeing how my reaction would be, and watching how I would handle this. They too were suffering from the news. Because of my faith I was able to find the strength and courage I needed to move forward, even with a smile on my face.
One month later, our sweet little girl returned to heaven. The day I delivered was the hardest day of my life. But, I knew there was a plan much bigger than my own. I was also able to gain strength and comfort from other women who had experienced the same heartbreaking outcome. It gave me even more determination to try again and bring another baby into our home. A little over a year later we were blessed to give birth to a beautiful healthy baby girl.
Looking back now, I know this is what I needed in my life. I am grateful I did not allow this trial to tear me down and give up. Instead, it has made me stronger and my faith has grown tremendously. It taught not only me, but my 3 girls, women can do hard things!!!
And this is “My Brilliant Confidence” story.
By: Leah Watkins
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